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Mr. Skull & Crossbones Says: I will kill you dead! Then I will kill you again! And again! And again! |
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Our Arcade Game Savant Says: This translation is embarrassing. Ooo! Ooo! |
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The Bent Kangaroo Says: I can jump better than this poser. Boing! |
What Kind Of Game Is This?
This is a skateboarding game.
So Do You Get Do A Lot Of Cool Tricks And Stuff?
Nope.
What About A 720?
You can try, but you'll probably bash your head in a dozen times before succeeding.
So What Exactly Are You Supposed To Do?
Well, as the instruction manual points out, as you skate around the Main Park, watch out for cars tearing through the streets, tough-looking thugs, motorcycle maniacs, and frisbee-throwing freaks.
Frisbee-throwing Freaks?
Yeah, but if even you can manage to avoid that monstrosity, you'll be attacked by bees if you spend too long trying to land your first trick. Killer bees that like skateboarder flesh.
There's Gotta Be More Than This.
Well, if you can land enough money (those freaks leave cold hard cash lying around) you can buy better equipment that will help you crack your skull in several more places. Also, if you ever manage to land a trick, you can earn tickets to enter four various events.
Downhill: Go downhill fast
Jump: Go downhill fast and jump a couple times
Slalom: Go downhill fast in between some poles
Halfpipe: Go back and forth crashing a lot
Better yet, there are four levels where you can buy more equipment and do these same exciting events all over again. But every time you have to ride a little faster and crash a little harder!
Why Do You Crash So Much?
Because the game doesn't respond to the control pad. They had a nasty breakup. The control pad calls and sends flowers but the game simply won't listen. Thus, everyone around them suffers.
So Who Would You Recommend This To?
Tony Hawk. Everyone else should play Skate Or Die.
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