Night Chills

Claire Smith

I am the lock

Dean R. Koontz

I am the key

Claire Smith

In your next book, brutally kill an adorable main character.

Dean R. Koontz

But...I don't do that!

Claire Smith

Now, Mr. Koontz. Who is the lock?

Dean R. Koontz

You are

Claire Smith

And what are you?

Dean R. Koontz

I am the key.

Claire Smith

Good, now you will be happy doing this for me and Atheneum Publishing. Are you happy?

Dean R. Koontz

I am happy.  Yes, I will do this for you. Can I at least kill off a male character?

Claire Smith

Fine, if you must.  Just make him adorable. And add some brutal rape scenes to make the reader scared of you.  

Dean R. Koontz

Done!  tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat